Blog (english)

My first pregnancy

I learned about my older sons pregnancy in the 8th week although the doctors convinced me that I was not pregnant. I was diagnosted with so called PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). It was then said that I should probably prepare for a fertility treatment. Ten thousand examinations followed – yes, because of my insurance high status. In January, I had finally gotten an appointment with an endocrinologist, a doctor who knows about hormones very well – or so you would think. Three blood tests and also urine followed. His plan was to prescribe me some pills for diabetes type I, as an experiment!!! What he missed to notice was my already existing pregnancy in the sixth week.

In my life I have learned one thing, I certainly can not do many things, but one thing I can do, is trust my feelings. My innerself screamed at me all the time: “Sue, you have taken the pill for 15 years! It is normal that you can not get pregnant in the first three months. Do not let them talk you into illnesses that you do not have. They only wanna make money out of you!!!”.

Thankfully, we have a doctor in our circle of friends that I can ask for advice. Without him, who urgently advised me not to take the prescribed pills, my son would probably not be here today.

After I had forgotten Valentine’s day 2018 again, and heard my husband preparing something downstairs, I felt as every second year (including all forgotten anniversaries), an incredibly bad conscience. “How do I sneak past him now and get something quickly, without him seeing me?” I asked myself – mission impossible, I had to admit. But here too, my intuition helped me, because I had felt for weeks that something was different. My favorite wine suddenly tasted terrible. The cigarette that I occasionally allowed myself was disgusting. And the puppy, who kept running away to the neighbors, was suddendly completely irrelevant to me. “Yes, Sue, you have probably caught something. After all, it’s winter,” I talked myself out of the clear signs, after all, I was at the endocrinologist and he run one million tests. So he would know!!!

However, on that Wednesday morning, an incredible feeling overcame me that a pregnancy test could save me from the mess. Quickly, I said: “Good morning sweetheart, I’ll be right down” and went downstairs, disappeared with the pregnancy test that had also landed intuitively in my shopping cart a few days ago, to the bathroom. Thet time that takes for this thing to color can seem quite long, even though you have just brushed your teeth. Every ten seconds I looked at it and yes, it became clearer and clearer: I’m PREGNANT.

For a short time, I was completely overwhelmed and had to sit on the bathtub first, but had to be careful not to fall in. Of course, on the one hand, I finally had a surprise for Valentine’s Day without having to go out again, on the other hand, I was pregnant – I, who only wanted to deal with the topic in two years, because I was supposed to be extremely difficult to get pregnant naturally. Two things immediately went through my head: 1. You were recently celebrating with your friends and liberated Cuba (as we say in Germany when we have drunk too much), 2. You were sent back to your absolute dream school and now you are pregnant.

Nevermind! After I had gathered my pieces for a few minutes, I knew that my boyfriend and I would make it all happen, the baby would be healthy and my partying escapades with Eva and Uli would have no effect on the health of the newborn. Where did I know that from? As always, I can’t answer that. I just had a feeling.

After my sweetheart, who reacted to the test wrapped in a kitchen towel with “Coolio”, the matter was settled and I experienced the most carefree 39 pregnancy weeks of all time. I didn’t worry, it didn’t ache anywhere (I even painted a whole room alone in our house in the 39th week) and as a couple we were just HAPPY – love + baby + dog + house with garden = happy family.

Why I wrote my blog

I was inspired by another blog that I knew about through the Facebook group Ahoi e.V. I had already started writing, but I wasn’t sure if it was right to share my experiences, feelings, and personal affairs with a wide audience. Julia (Juli’s Blog) gave me the courage to do so with her posts. I followed her articles for a few months, and I often had to cry while reading them. I think it’s important to exchange experiences because the internet is still quite empty in terms of our stories. More and more people of color have made it to television, and there is more tolerance towards different religions, which is a positive progress. People with disabilities are rarely seen, and there are not enough stories about them. That is why I have decided to share my private life with people who have experienced the same fate, and who probably share similar fears, worries, wishes, hopes, and experiences. But also to give people insight into a life with a child that for most in our society would probably be described as not 100% perfect. I want to encourage many of those affected. Of course, everyone who is simply interested in my blog is also welcome. I think it’s important to exchange experiences round our stories.

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Blog Beginner

As a beginner in blogging, I ask for your understanding – but as the saying goes: from zero to hero. I hope not to offend anyone or make them uncomfortable with my honest experiences and emotions. My intention with this website is not to make money, I am simply trying to share what I have experienced and felt in the respective situations and moments with my family. I intentionally distance myself from highly scientific dissertations or technical terms and the incomprehensible and often-hated “teacher’s German”.

Of course, you are welcome to send me comments, suggestions and/or advices. We would also be very happy about positive feedback or contact.

I have only given doctors’ names with an initial letter so that no conclusions can be drawn without prior consent. For this reason, I have also tried to avoid mentioning city names. This does not apply to specialists, who can also be found on many websites in relation to hand surgery.